


ghost of a flower

by afraidtofall



Series: twitter requests [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:59:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afraidtofall/pseuds/afraidtofall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime has to wonder if he’s been making this whole thing up this entire time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ghost of a flower

**Author's Note:**

> sad iwaoi + prostitution,  
> a request for jousais
> 
> EDITED: 5/11/2015 -- Typographical errors corrected.

** Saturday, December 6 **

Practice is over, and it’s cold enough outside that his sweat feels like ice. Hajime shivers because even with the heat on, the gym is somehow cold and it’s a gross feeling, being sweaty and cold at the same time, like his hands are slick with soap he didn’t scrub off the entire way. Coach is talking about how they probably won’t be practicing much because the weather is kind of bad, but to not let themselves get too loose because it would start right back up the moment there wasn’t supposed to be _hail_ falling at their heads. He tells them to rest, get warm, watch some television, but most of all, be safe.

Of course, that last statement is added with a glare directly thrown at Oikawa who is wiggling his legs up in the air as he lays on his back in a mockery of the stretches he’s supposed to be doing to keep his knee from getting too stiff – and Hajime snickers, because the instant Oikawa realizes all the attention is on him, he makes a sound that a baby ghost would trying to start its first haunt, wobbling in voice and getting louder and softer like that’s something real spooky. Coach ignores it for his own good, because the headache that comes with blood pressure rising is miserable and Not Worth It.

“C’mon, Oikawa,” Hajime says when he’s decided they’ve had enough and Coach has said they were free to go. “Get up off the floor.”

Surprisingly enough, Oikawa does in a languid and fluid movement that’s nicely offset in the next moment when Makki hurls a volleyball at his feet and Oikawa _squawks_. Hajime really shouldn’t laugh, because that could be an issue if Oikawa were to fall, but it’s just so funny he can’t help it. The adrenaline of working hard has gone to his head. He’s forgotten to be irritated.

“Makki-chan, how mean!” Oikawa whines. He bends down to grab the ball and hugs it tightly to his chest. “What a bull you are! I thought Iwa-chan was the bully! I was wrong.”

Hajime knows better than to knock Oikawa down, so he just grabs him roughly by the back of his practice jersey and begins pushing him towards the club room. He reeks of cologne and perfume he didn’t get the chance to sweat off because even when he’d walked into practice, his knee had been so big Coach refused to even let him stretch with them at first.

“Well damn, Iwaizumi, it looks like I stole your spotlight just this once,” Makki says lazily and catches the volleyball when Oikawa throws it at him. “But, now I’m going to steal Oikawa’s and yell.” He slams the volleyball into the rolling cart and lets his voice echo on the walls. “Hey, who wants to get dinner?”

There are yowls of agreement, Kindaichi and Kunimi say they can’t, of course, because they’re getting gifts already, but it’s another disagreement that sort of throws Hajime off-balance because he’s already hummed in agreement.

“Oh, shoot! I can’t,” Oikawa says, voice heavily like he’s genuinely sad, but it’s just for show. He walks between them still, though, when they start moving to close the club doors with a smile on his face that’s kind of impossible. “I already have plans.”

Mattsun waits for them to leave before locking up the doors. “A girlfriend?”

“She wants me to meet her parents,” Oikawa says in a low voice, eyebrows probably wiggling on his face. Hajime doesn’t bother to look, because he doesn’t really care. It’s Christmas, so of course Oikawa has a girlfriend. He’ll be a jerk, though, probably dump her right after Christmas is over.

“A serious girlfriend!” Makki echoes.

“I didn’t know Oikawa knew how to have serious girlfriends,” Hajime says in addition. Oikawa huffs “Iwa-chan, _mean_!” and elbows him in the ribs quietly between Mattsun and Makki laughing. “Did you buy her a ring? When’s the wedding?”

“Well, it can’t be within the next few months,” Mattsun says. “I have a game against Shiratorizawa I want to win so I’m having to put in extra hours at the gym.”

“Oh, same,” Makki says with a small shrug. “Damn, Oikawa. There’s two of your best men out.”

Oikawa clears his throat loudly and turns up his nose. Hajime looks at him sharply, because he knows something absolutely shitty is about to come out of his chapped mouth. With it being so cold and bitter outside, Oikawa looks less put together and more down to Earth like the rest of the humans he gathers around with. It makes Hajime kind of feel better, because he looks real.

“I don’t need Mattsun or Makki at my wedding so long as Iwa-chan promises to be the one to take me down the isle!”

“Gross,” Hajime says, “because that’s the job for your dad.”

“Don’t you want to be my daddy, Iwa-chan?”

Hajime hits him right between the shoulder blades and watches him stagger forward.             

 

 

** Monday, December 8 **

          **issei: (6.00 AM):** let’s get some fucking breakfast  
          **hanamaki: (6.03 AM):** You better be paying.  
          **you: (6.08 AM):** What did we do to deserve this?  
          **issei: (6.09 AM):** c’mon im hungry but also broke  
          **oikawa: (6.11 AM):** let’s make it dinner instead !! after  
                                             school !!

☾ ♛ ☽

          **oikawa: (7.00 PM):** sorry !! i can’t make it tonight !!  
                                            something came up but think of  
                                            me xoxo  
          **issei: (7.01 PM):** your girlfriend isn’t letting you have  
                                       a life  
          **hanamaki (7.01 PM):** There was going to be karaoke?  
          **you: (7.02):** Yeah, why are you skipping karaoke when  
                                it was your damn idea?  
          **issei: (7.10):** oinkawa??

 

 

** Wednesday, December 10 **

It’s cold and Hajime’s nose is running something ferocious. It feels like there’s snot dripping down his face, but every time he manages to drag a tissue up from being buried deep in his pockets, there’s absolutely nothing to wipe away. He hates winter something with a fierce passion even though there’s Christmas just around the corner. But the coldness is something like sadness, the way his boots scoot beneath his legs when he walks so he sometimes has to stiffen up, and the way his breath fans out in front of his face like he’s run a mile but in reality, he’s barely made it down the sidewalk.

He’s been buying presents. For Kindaichi, he’s gotten him an alarm – because Kindaichi is always late unless Kunimi has stayed the night prior. For Kunimi, it’s these weighted wristbands he’s been wanting that are supposed to increase his speed (although Hajime really suspects he’s finally taken some influence from Oikawa about getting serious, but not too serious.) Makki gets his own tape so when he wraps his fingers from blisters, he’ll stop borrowing Hajime’s and using it all. It’s brightly colored, though, so he ought to get a kick out of that. Mattsun will soon own a nice pair of jogging shoes since his have been in tatters since first year, and as for Oikawa – Hajime hasn’t really decided, because Oikawa will cry over _anything_ he gets him.

The shopping district is surprisingly _not_ busy for once in its entire existence, which is lucky, because now people don’t have to watch Hajime try and ice skate all the way back home. Ice is probably his worst enemy in all of everything, even more than Shiratorizawa. Ushijima is more like Oikawa’s permanent disaster anyway, and Hajime is glad to be out of that feud since it doesn’t really seem to involve him. He lifts up on all the presents in his arms and continues fumbling forward.

Speaking of Oikawa – It’s a Wednesday and Haijme hasn’t seen him or heard of him. Usually Oikawa is all over the place for Christmas trying to buy everything what he thinks would suit them best, or _gag_ gifts worst of all. Because of Oikawa’s ferocious adoration for everything red and green and sparkly, the volleyball team usually gets together on a weekend either before or after Christmas to open presents. Last year, Oikawa had bought Hajime clothes except all the sleeves had been ripped off or torn. Kindaichi had turned bright red, and Hajime had hit Oikawa so hard in the face he’d had a bruise on his chin for at least three weeks.

But there’s none of that today and Christmas is almost in two weeks, so Hajime’s not exactly certain how he feels about it. On one hand, he’s glad he hasn’t had to buy so much shit because when Oikawa comes with him, he wants everything and everything right then. It’s not that the quiet is uncomfortable, but it’s not what he’s used to.

He’ll text him.

☾ ♛ ☽

Of course, when Hajime gets home he has to go through nearly half an hour of his mom asking him what he’s gotten for his friends so that she can wrap them. He tries to make it as easy as possible for her every year so that she doesn’t have to work so hard on his behalf, but she likes that he’s getting gifts for people because at least that means he _has_ friends. Hajime knows she’s joking.

“Ohh, and what did you get for Tooru this year?” she asks, a very obvious smile in her voice because she, like everyone else on this forsaken planet, likes Oikawa too much to be comfortable.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Hajime replies steadily because it’s true.

She wiggles Mattsun’s shoes noisily. “Didn’t he say he wanted that – oh, what was it again? – figure of that alien king? Is that what it was?”

“Oikawa can want that figurine of the alien king all he wants to, but I’m not adding to his nerdy collection anymore,” Hajime says. He’s already bought the alien king figure. It’s tucked all nice and neat and half-heartedly wrapped in his backpack because he wants to give it to him when he spends the night for Oikawa’s family Christmas he’s always invited to. “It’s _dumb_.”

His mom laughs.

After another few minutes of peeking through his sacks and asking how much he spent on everything, because he bought everything from his own pocket, she lets him go. Hajime manages to get comfortable in his room within minutes despite how restless he is, propped up on his pillows and with his phone in hand.

 **you** : **(8.15 PM)** : Where the fuck are you?

He doesn’t expect Oikawa to answer immediately because he never does, and he already had his winter homework set up so that he could get it done early and subsequently, Oikawa could copy it off him at practice when they saw each other next. Hajime knows better than to think he’ll see him soon. It’s cold and Oikawa’s knee gets impossibly stiff because the idiot hates stretching it out even though his doctor told him to.

English homework is boring, a whole bunch of nondescript letters supposed to form words or sentences, but Hajime himself has never been all that great at English – Oikawa’s better, even if all he knows is a couple of words like “okay” and “cool” and "good job.” He still does a great job of translating, even if he _is_ lazy.

          **oikawa:  (8.23 PM):** what do u mean iwa-chan ??  
          **you: (8.23 PM):** I mean where the fuck are you.  
          **oikawa: (8.24 PM):** are you mad ??

Hajime breathes in sharply at the accusation. Sure, he’s being weird about it, but he’s got a bad feeling. Like a little bug is crawling up his throat insistently and he doesn’t want to feel that wiggling in his mouth, so he keeps trying to swallow it down and down as far away as it can go, but it just won’t _go_. Yet it’s kind of weird to wonder why Oikawa _isn’t_ all over him. He’s supposed to enjoy that, right?

          **you: (8.26 PM):** Why would I be mad?  
          **oikawa: (8.27 PM):** my sixth sense is saying you’re mad  
          **you: (8.27 PM):** for fuck’s sake.  
          **oikawa: (8:28 PM):** well if you must know mommy i am  
                                            very busy with some friends, so i’ll  
                                            text you back later !!  
           **you: (8.30 PM):** Oh. I have the English homework whenever  
                                        you’re ready. See you then.

He sets his phone down. It’s odd. And it feels very anti-climactic. Oikawa usually texts him all day every day and doesn’t bother sparing him the gory details, because sometimes he sends him pages and pages worth of texts explaining the good time he’s having, but he hasn’t this time. He’ll send him selfies upon selfies of him and the people he’s hanging out with, and he hasn’t. Hajime feels left out, but it’s okay. Things will be better.

 

 

** Tuesday, December 16 **

“Hey, am I still coming over for Christmas?”

“Why wouldn’t you be? Iwa-chan is always allowed at our house!”

“You haven’t seemed like you wanted to hang out.”

“Tachibana-chan and I have just been very busy! I promise I want you to come over! You can stay over the night before and watch Santa deliver presents with me!”

“Santa is fucking real, Shittykawa.”

“Rude! Rude! No wonder you always get boring presents.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“Alright, alright! But please come over, Iwa-chan! Please!”

“I’ll be there.”

 

 

** Saturday, December 20 **

Coach was nice enough to open the doors to the gym since the club room is kind of small and their team is kind of big. Hajime’s been anticipating it more than he should, really, second-guessing his presents and all that because having a Christmas before another Christmas was always a dangerous sort of plan – but he guesses they could always take them back if they got another set just like it. He’s not the first person there, though. Kunimi is laying on his stomach with his own little set of presents around him, one for each member that texted back in the group that they could make it. Kindaichi is also there but on his phone texting away.

“Good evening, Iwaizumi-san,” Kunimi says. He peeks up from where he’s scratching at a mark on the floor with his nail.

“Evening, Kunimi,” Hajime says. It sounds sort of stiff, forced, but in reality, his lips are cold and he needs to warm them up pronto before they freeze to his teeth. It’s not unbearably cold outside, or even messy, but still. He finds a place to sit, drops his bags, and collapses beside them.

“Good evening, Iwaizumi-san!” Kindaichi adds a few minutes later when he drags his head out of the game he’s playing, some designated finger tapping game that takes coordination or something.

“Hey, Kindaichi,” Hajime responds.

He’d finally found Oikawa the perfect gift that’s one part gag, one part serious. It’s serious because Oikawa will try to wear it every day for the rest of his life, and gag because it’s Santa Claus but as an alien. The greenness of his skin glows in the dark.

Slowly but surely others straggle in. Kyoutani is scowling like usual. Mattsun and Makki arrive as a pair, laughing and holding something between them mischievously. Some of the first years show up, but it’s still a fairly small group. They pass the time arm-wrestling and making fun of how red Kindaichi gets when it’s his turn to go against Hajime, because it’s almost romantic like holding hands, except it’s also not because when Kunimi says “go!” Kinadichi makes a broken noise as soon as he loses. Everyone laughs and has a good time.

Hajime finds himself glaring at his phone instead.

Oikawa is supposed to be here. Oikawa is supposed to have been one of the first few people to arrive, and it’s not even that late, so Hajime can’t figure out for the life of him what it is that Oikawa is supposed to be doing instead of being here. After all, this is the tradition _he_ started three years ago and he should be finishing it up since it’s his last year as captain before figuring out some way to get noticed for college. It’s sort of bullshit how he keeps them waiting. Makki calls him before Hajime does, because he’s level-headed for the most part unless he’s purposefully goofing around.

“Running late?” Makki asks in between awkwardly pauses. “Everyone’s here already. It’s been like, forty minutes.” His brows furrow a little bit. “You’re not with your girlfriend are you? This is a team thing.” He splays his legs out in front of him awkwardly and begins tapping the toes of his shoes. “Well, hurry up. We might start opening presents any moment now.”

Mattsun makes a face at that. Oikawa would throw the biggest tantrum in the world if they started opening presents without him, and since it sounds like he’s coming, it’s a better idea if they don’t even if it was a joke. Instead, Hajime helps Kunimi split the presents off into piles for everyone. The people who weren’t there would have their presents tucked into the club room safely so that when activities started up again when it wasn’t so disgusting outside, they could have them in some form of instant gratification. When things are sanctioned off, Hajime stands at the door and waits for Oikawa to present himself.

It’s been an hour of waiting for Oikawa when he finally arrives, breathless and with his cheeks red, the blush ducking far down beneath his collar into territories Hajime doesn’t want to think about, or question about. All that matters is that Oikawa brandishes his giant bag full of gifts for everyone laughing – and Hajime gives him the benefit of the doubt. He was probably shopping at the last minute (but what was Tachibana there for?) The shopping district is a bit of a way away from the school (but it’s not enough that _Oikawa_ would be out of breath.) Hajime scratches his forehead and tries to not think about it too hard.

One at a time they open presents. Oikawa goes first and cries snot everywhere when he sees what everyone has gotten him, and in between coughing because he didn’t wear a scarf and laughing because Mattsun and Makki both got him the same gift, just in different colors, the air changes. He instantly puts on Hajime’s gift and gets tears all over everything, and he absolutely adores Kindaichi’s hand-made gloves and Kunimi’s tie-dyed headband because he’s a _nerd_. Kyoutani got him a gift card to the gaudy store he likes to buy his cologne at. Oikawa is happy and fully there for once, and Hajime likes it quite a bit.

Hajime in turn gets a God awful cologne box from Oikawa that’s apparently the same kind he uses that Hajime absolutely _hates_ because it’s floral. Mattsun gets him a stress-bell with OIKAWA written across it that has eyes so when you squeeze it, they pop out. He laughs really hard at that. Makki hands him a picture frame with all the third years posed in it, Oikawa flamboyantly stealing the light, and the others snuggling around Hajime to remind him he’s short. Kindaichi gives him a box of sweets that are his favorite, and Kunimi gives him socks that match Oikawa’s headband. Kyoutani, on the other hand, gives him study materials for finals and Hajime is torn between hating the gift and absolutely adoring it.

Everyone has a good time and laughs, that is, until Makki and Mattsun reveal their evilest plan of all that has something to do with red noses and Santa hats. It’s a group picture, and they end up crushed together so that Coach can get them all in it and hang it in the club room until this season is over.

The first years end up cleaning everything like usual, and Hajime waits for Oikawa to push all his presents into his bag.

He doesn’t really notice until later that the blush on Oikawa’s neck hadn’t gone away entirely, but instead looked more and more like bruises.

Hajime isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean.

 

 

** Friday, December 26 **

Hajime doesn’t get to come over as earlier as Oikawa promised, because Hajime has his own family that he has to spend Christmas with as much as Oikawa doesn’t seem to like that, but he does get to come over and stay the weekend. Oikawa’s mom is just as excited as her son, just as pretty and wild, and makes him cookies as soon as he arrives while they wait for Oikawa to drag himself down stairs. It’s not like Hajime comes over too early, it’s noon, but everyone knows that Oikawa is a horrendous mess before the clock strikes twelve so they give him that.

Although, a strange conversation happens.

“Hajime,” Oikawa’s mom says evenly. She’s peering at the cookies through the oven’s door with intense curiosity, because she burns things when she doesn’t pay enough attention. “Has Tooru mentioned anything to you recently?”

“Mm-mm. We haven’t really talked much,” Hajime replies. He’s looking at the pictures Oikawa’s sister when she graduated high school, because Oikawa has a big gap in his teeth that they were trying to fix with braces at the time. “He’s been busy.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

It’s not like Oikawa’s mom to be intensely worried. She lets her son have that awful habit of his of staying up too late watching other’s games to memorize strategies to destroy people, and even forgets to remind him to eat because she figures he’ll remember on his own sooner or later. She’s not a bad mom, but she’s scatterbrained just like her son – and Hajime is used to his own mother with strict rules and schedules so that he eats healthy and on time.

“He’s just been out a lot,” she says whimsically and opens the oven. She quickly closes it with a strangled sigh. “I was wondering if you knew why.”

Hajime figures that’s fair. “Well, I think he has a girlfriend now? Tachibana Rei, or something like that. If he’s not with me, he’s probably with her.”

Which is a lie. Oikawa hasn’t been with him at all except for brief spurts this month, like when they meet for dinner or are at school and Oikawa _has_ to see him. Hajime really doubts Oikawa is trying to avoid him on purpose, but it’s a feeling that’s not fair. He feels stranded on an island, and Oikawa is the only person who knows how to swim and just keeps getting farther and farther away, closer and closer to the horizon, and doesn’t stop to check to see if he’s keeping up.

“Tachibana?” Oikawa’s mom echoes. “Rei?”

There’s another awkward pause.

“I don’t know who that is,” she says. She opens the oven again, but this time, she’s forgotten to get mitts so that she doesn’t burn herself. Hajime has to stop her. “I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend?”

“Um, doesn’t he, though?” Hajime asks hesitantly. He hands her the mitts. She stares back up at him blankly.

Oikawa can be heard clumping around in his room.

“Well, maybe he does,” she allows. It just doesn’t seem right.

 ☾ ♛ ☽

“Your mom’s worried about you,” Hajime says to Oikawa later that night when they’re tucked in his room. They’re playing a video game together, or rather, Oikawa is watching him play a video game because he can’t win to save his life at it. “She says you’ve been out a lot but you haven’t explained much.”

Oikawa is touching the back of his neck gently, tenderly, with one finger. He fingers some hairs that are long and beginning to curl and focuses on wrapping them around his finger. It tickles, and makes Hajime’s chest tighten in some way.

“Iwa-chan worries too much,” he says fondly.

“I said your mom, dumbass.”

“Iwa-chan misses me,” Oikawa coos. He gets closer and brushes his lips against the back of Hajime’s ear when he speaks. “But I’ll always be right here for Iwa-chan.”

“Stop, that’s freaking weird.” Hajime ducks away from him.

Oikawa’s laughter is loud and obnoxious.

 

 

** Saturday, December 27 **

          **you: (12.37 AM):** Oikawa is fucking weird.  
          **hanamaki: (12.38 AM):** Weirder than usual?  
          **you: (12.30 AM):** He lied about having a girlfriend.  
          **issei: (12.30 AM):** ??? OIKAWA IS SINGLE ???  
          **hanamaki: (12.31 AM):** What the hell?  
          **issei: (12.33 AM):** oikawa doesn’t have  a girlfriend?  
          **you: (12.35 AM):** It just doesn’t seem right.

 

** Sunday, December 28 **

Hajime blearily reads the clock saying it’s four in the morning and blindly reaches around to make sure there’s nothing on the floor for him to break his foot over. Oikawa somehow manages to keep his room clean on days when he has guests over, and Hajime is thankful or else an early morning piss would be disastrous to his health.

“Hey, I’m getting up. Do you want a water or something?”

Hajime waits for a couple of minutes, and when Oikawa doesn’t respond, he assumes that he’s free to do what he pleases. He goes to the bathroom, does what he needs to do, and comes back with two glasses of water just in case Oikawa wakes up and is thirsty. It’s what a good friend would do, especially when Oikawa basically ate an entire one pound gummy bear by himself and is afraid of what repercussions _that_ might have.

His phone buzzes on the bed side table, illuminating the room with a surprising amount of force from what such a small screen could hold.

Oikawa’s bed is empty. It’s four in the morning, Hajime’s eyes are watering from nearly being blinded by his cellphone, and Oikawa’s bed is empty.

☾ ♛ ☽

He stays up and worries despite his best interests, but mostly because he’s pissed as hell. Hajime had tried calling Oikawa’s phone and found it somewhere in the depths of his blankets. There’s part of him that wants to go wake up Oikawa’s mother, but he doesn’t want to worry her or end up waking up Oikawa’s dad, because Oikawa’s dad would probably end the world before his son got home. It’s also horrible to narc on people. Deep inside, Hajime just wants Oikawa to be out doing something stupid like most teenagers do – going to a shitty nightclub, or meeting with Tachibana Rei somewhere with his tongue down her throat because they were so in love and didn’t want to be apart. He doesn’t want to think of what it really is or what it could be.

So when it’s five-fifty and Oikawa tries pushing open the door to his room, Hajime is bombarded with the smell of perfume and maybe that’s the smell of cigarettes, who knows? It _burns_ with how strong it is, and when Hajime finally manages to get his tear ducts in control, he and Oikawa have a staring match. Oikawa’s like a fish with the way his mouth opens and closes. Hajime decides that he’s not going to budge, not one bit, because he deserves an explanation.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa tries brightly. “You’re awake!”

“Where the fuck were you?”

“Hmm? What was that? You sound groggy still,” Oikawa says. He shakes his hair, which is a mess, tufts of it sticking together. Hajime pretends it’s because he was wearing a hat even if there isn’t a hat in his hands. “Why are you up so early?”

“What time did you leave this morning?” Hajime tries to temper the edge in his voice. “Did you go on a jog or something?”

“A jog!” Oikawa asks, a hideous shriek building in his throat. It’s sort of funny, the image of Oikawa jogging, because the only time he moves fast is when there’s ice cream at lunch or he might be able to see Kageyama do something embarrassing. “Yes, I went jogging.”

For a good thirty seconds, Hajime loses it. He throws his pillow at Oikawa’s face and tries to find something harder. But Oikawa starts shushing him and tries putting his hands over his mouth so that he doesn’t start yelling vulgarities or something, so he settles for just strangling the shit out of him almost. Hajime lets Oikawa think he’s winning, because this is sort of a game, isn’t it? It’s just like Oikawa to begin to gloat, and Hajime knocks him off his pedestal by pinning him to the guest futon with trembling hands and a face that’s probably redder than is fair.

“Where the _fuck_ ,” Hajime snarls, “did you go?”

Oikawa is wheezing faintly. “You’re crushing me with your big brute hands, Iwa-chan,” he whispers in a frenzy, eyes focused on everything but Hajime’s face. “Let go!”

Hajime tries to not shake him, he really does, but Oikawa bonks his head against the small mattress and tries to whine his way to safety. “Where?”

Hajime doesn’t expect him to answer. Oikawa is nothing but a snake on some days, and it’s almost six in the morning and it’s been three days after Christmas and they’re _fighting_. Oikawa breathes in heavily through his mouth because he’s forgotten he has a nose or something, and let’s his head roll back and forth while he tries to find some comfort since he’s been taken hostage.

“I was with Tachibana-chan,” Oikawa begins faintly.

“Don’t lie to me or I’ll knock your head off,” Hajime interrupts. “You’re not dating a Tachibana Rei. You aren’t dating anyone. Your mother would know, and she doesn’t, so just cut the crap.”

Oikawa makes a frustrated noise. “Okay, alright, fine! But I _did_ meet up with someone, and it was totally safe, so get _off_ me and let me go back to sleep.”

Hajime considers it.

But he doesn’t relent.

“So you were with someone. At four in the morning, maybe even earlier,” he says. He’s trying to get the story straight, because there’s this sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach and he doesn’t like where it’s going. “What good can anyone possibly be doing out that early?”

“Sex,” Oikawa says evenly. “Having sex.”

The clock on Oikawa’s wall is the only thing that makes noise for a couple of minutes. Hajime’s trying to process what that possibly means – like why Oikawa would go off so early in the morning to have sex with someone when he’s hanging out with Hajime. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s frustrating that it doesn’t make sense. Hajime can’t find the appeal of sneaking out and worrying everyone in the household just to go have sex. He’s trying to figure that part out when Oikawa pats his around his hip until he finds his pocket and pulls out an envelope.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Hajime says. He doesn’t like the desperation in his own tone, but he can’t really manage to avoid it. “Tell me this is a cruel joke and that’s a late Christmas present. Tell me, you fucking trashcan, that that’s not what I think it is.”

Oikawa sucks in his cheeks and peers up at him through his lashes. There’s a faint sparkle there that Hajime doesn’t want to see, so he closes his eyes tight against any images that could possibly present themselves and doesn’t melt, not even when he feels Oikawa’s arms sliding around his shoulders. The envelope touches his ear.

“It was safe, Iwa-chan,” Tooru says against his cheek. He rubs his thumb against the back of Hajime’s neck. “I was safe.”

There’s nothing he can say to that, so Hajime just bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds instead.

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru sings against his skin. “You’re still my favorite person in the entire world. You don’t have to be scared.” His mouth deeps further down Hajime’s cheek, to his jaw –

And Hajime throws himself backwards and scoots back until he runs into Oikawa’s ugly dresser, eyes wide, and watches as Oikawa tucks himself delicately in where Hajime was sleeping before like nothing has changed.

When it’s seven, Hajime tells Oikawa’s parents he isn’t feeling well and runs all the way back to his house.

 

 

** Monday, December 29 **

“Wow, Iwaizumi-kun and Oikawa-kun really are fighting.”

“They’ve never fought like this before. It’s kind of scary!”

“I heard Oikawa apologize this morning. Oikawa _never_ apologizes.”

“I hope they fix it. They really are best friends.”

 

 

** Tuesday, December 30 **

Oikawa is extra annoying at practice. He tosses with pinpoint accuracy, and laughs too loud, and compliments people on how hard they’re working. All the other members of the club enjoy it a lot, but Hajime just ignores them. Oikawa compliments his serve, and he grunts. Oikawa compliments the curve of his arm when he spikes, and he blinks at him once before moving so that others can have a chance. Oikawa compliments his smile when he sees him snickering at something Kyoutani mumbled even though he never has intentions of laughing at anything Kyoutani says, and he must turn red because Oikawa puts his hands up in apology and backs away.

Hajime’s glad he’s at practice at least.

 

 

** Wednesday, December 31 **

          **issei: (4.30 PM):** let’s grab some dinner  
          **hanamaki: (4:31 PM):** Yes! Where?  
          **you: (4.31 PM):** That new ramen stand opened.  
          **don’t answer: (4.32 PM):** oh !! sounds wonderful !!  
          **you: (4.33 PM):** I can’t go, though. Have fun.

 

 

** Sunday, January 4 **

Hajime wakes up to someone banging on the door. He’s pissed, because it’s the weekend and he’d stayed up late to finish some English paper he didn’t really want to do in the first place, and because people are usually inclined to ask before they show up unannounced. Normally he would just let his parents answer it, but they’re out of town for the weekend and he can’t really blame it on not being there. He puts on a clean shirt, some sweats, and grumbles all the way to the door.

When Hajime opens the door and sees Oikawa’s smiling face, he closes it as fast as he can and ignores Oikawa’s childish whines.

“Iwa-chan! Honestly! We need to talk about this!”

“Go home.”

“Don’t be rude! I’m trying to patch our delicate friendship!”

“I don’t want that.”

“Iwaizumi Hajime, we’ve been friends since we were five. Open the damn door!”

“Tooru, go _home_.”

“I know where the spare key is.”

“I’ll call the cops.”

Hajime considers opening the door and letting Oikawa in for a moment, because he’s weak. He’s genuinely weak. During December, he was frustrated that Oikawa never had time for him, and now he’s going out of his way to make sure he still has time for Hajime _and_ that stupid sex stuff, but Hajime doesn’t really want that. It’s terrifying, because now it’s turned into Hajime _and_ sex stuff.

“Please go home.”

Oikawa bursts into whiny tears on the other side of the door. Hajime holds his breath and tries counting as far as he can without getting dizzy. He’s not sure when Oikawa goes home, but a few minutes later when he peeks through the curtains, there’s no prince there wiping his tears. It feels more like a loss than a win.

 

 

** Thursday, January 15 **

“You have three unheard voice messages.”

There’s a soft beep.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like you get to be scared. I don’t know why you’re acting like you have any right to feel influenced about this at all! It’s not even personal to you. You’ve never cared about what I’m doing before – and maybe I’m not being very smart about it, but you’re my best friend and you’re supposed to be helping me, not avoiding me. If you want to act like you get to feel superior or something, then come say it to my face! Tell me this is stupid! Tell me you think there’s a better way! Hajime, this is—“

There’s another beep.

“I don’t get it. I don’t get you. You’re missing opportunities to hang out with Makki-chan, and Mattsun, all because you’ve suddenly decided you get to hate me. You’re being a dick and they aren’t even involved in this. It’s been ten days since I’ve gotten to speak to you without you being awful to me, and I miss _you_. I miss you more than anything, because you’re my best friend! Since we were kids! Does the sanctity of that mean nothing to you? Well, I have some words for you, Hajime! They’re fuck you, asshole.”

The last beep.

“Iwa-chan? Iwa-chan! I’m sorry, I didn’t _mean_ it! I’m sad, yes, but I don’t hate you or anything. I don’t want you to think that, if you do. Please, please call me back. I’m _scared_ , and I want to talk to you. You’re always so smart and level-headed, and you know literally _everything_ , Iwa-chan! Please. Please?”

Hajime’s finger hesitates over the call back button, or the generic “ttyl” options he has to send back since he missed a call, but in the end, he settles with plugging his phone into the charger and setting it on his bedside table. It’s just easier not talking to Oikawa at this point.

 

 

** Monday, January 19 **

Hajime accidentally talks to Oikawa. It’s in passing, because Oikawa said something genuinely funny about math, or science, or whatever it is they’re supposed to be learning about – and the words slip out of his mouth before he’s really sure he can catch them. Oikawa looks at him like he’s hung the stars for those few seconds Hajime forgets he’s pissed to all hell. He recovers smoothly.

“But you’re still a piece of shit.”

 

 

** Thursday, January 22 **

“Iwa-chan, I’m scared. Please call me back. I want to talk to you. I miss you. You’re my best friend. I’m going to keep reminding you about that. That you’re my best friend, and I love you very much. I love you. It’s not a confession, or anything. You don’t have to worry anything ulterior. I just love you, because you’re my best friend. I know you’re mad at me, and I know that you don’t want to be around me, but I really need to talk to you about something. Please? It’s been almost a month since you got mad, and you’re still mad, and I want to talk to you.”

 

 

** Wednesday, February 3 **

Hajime hates him. It’s not fair that he does, not really, but it’s this burn in his chest whenever he thinks about it that makes him sick to his stomach. It’s not like he knows the details. It’s not like has the right. It’s not like ignoring him has worked in his favor any, because he’s noticed that missing Oikawa is like ripping up old letters to be shredded because there’s personal information in there. Every second without Oikawa nagging him are seconds that Hajime can barely remember. He remembers each instant of Oikawa annoying him to the point where he prayed for strength to keep on going, but he can’t very remember what he’s done this week or last week.

But he hates him. He hates seeing Oikawa’s face and wondering what it looks like when he’s feeling pleasure, because _that’s_ a disgusting image. He hates hearing Oikawa’s voice and remembering how it pitched low that night he said Oikawa’s name and kissed his cheek, his jaw. He hates when people ask him why he and Oikawa aren’t on good terms anymore, because he doesn’t even know the reason beyond he feels like gum on someone’s shoe.

Hajime hates him, because he’s not sure why he hates him.

 

 

** Friday, February 6 **

Hajime can’t remember the last time he’s seen Oikawa at practice. He knows it’s been a while, because they’re using the back-up setter, but Coach doesn’t seem very concerned, so he doesn’t let himself feel very worried about it either. It’s probably just his knee again, maybe. Mattsun and Makki both look as confused and lost as he does, except they voice it more, but no one really has an answer. Kunimi has a sort of distressed look in his eyes every time he’s forced to do something productive, because Oikawa never made him move up to spike unless he really wanted to. On the plus side, Kindaichi has gotten a lot friendlier and talks to Hajime more.

Still, it’s weird. To think, they were all laughing and having a good time at the Christmas party just the other day with their gifts.

The picture from Christmas that hangs in the club room is a little haunting. Oikawa’s got his arms slung around Hajime’s neck in it and is laughing at the Christmas joke Coach had rumbled off to get them to smile, because Hajime wasn’t about to look happy while wearing a bright flashing nose. There’s no signs of the bruises on Oikawa’s neck in the picture, and Hajime has to wonder if he’s been making this whole thing up this entire time.

 

 

** Monday, February 9 **

They found Oikawa. His parents had come home after work. Hajime had been told right when he came home from school. Oikawa hadn’t shown up all week, and while that had been unusual, it wasn’t as strange as him missing practice. In the end, it’s kind of his fault, isn’t it?

Hajime douses his room with Oikawa’s cologne. He cries and cries until Oikawa’s mom gives him the sweater he’d bought, and some of the things she could bear to part with. He sleeps in one of Oikawa’s alien hoodies and wears his pajama pants with E.T.’s face when he’s at home. He doesn’t have to go to school for a while, because apparently he looks like shit so they leave him alone. Sometimes he’s forced to talk to the police, but he can’t really bring himself to say that he’d left Oikawa alone and ignored his calls. Hajime’s not afraid of getting in trouble. He’s afraid of the guilt.

Hajime does get in trouble though from his own mom when she catches him up at 3 AM in the living room looking through pictures. She tells him that that’s enough and that he needs sleep. She takes away the album and puts it away somewhere Hajime won’t be able to find it, at least for a couple of days. She lays with him in bed while he cries.

 

 

** Thursday, February 12 **

Oikawa's funeral is busy. There's snot in Hajime's nose, and when he finds a tissue to wipe it off, it's real.

**Author's Note:**

> please come cry with the rest of the sad twitter crew @ brattykawa  
> want to yell at me? inbox me @ iwaaachan


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